Lesson #1 — Know Who You Are Before You Find Love
Knowing who you are and being comfortable and confident in your skin before you partner with someone is critically important, especially for women who understand you are created to be a force and a light in this world.
One thing that dims your light is getting into a relationship that doesn’t align with who you are at your core or align with your purpose. I wrote about this topic in another article that you can read here.
Meghan knew who she was and she was comfortable and confident in her skin. This clarity about herself allowed her to honor who and stay true to herself, no matter what.
Prior to meeting Harry, Meghan was living her best life. She had a career in acting, but because it wasn’t fulfilling enough for her, she found her soul work — work your soul longs to do — working for the UN serving women.
Meghan was clear about her mission, core values, and how she wanted to show up in the world. This clarity made it easy for her to identify who would make a good fit in terms of relationships.
“When you know and respect your inner nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don’t belong.” — Benjamine Hoff
Clarity is Queen (pun intended) when it comes to relationships.
- Clarity will keep you from wasting time on people who are a waste of your time.
- Clarity will keep you focused when physical and material distractions tempt you off your path.
- Clarity will also keep you from losing yourself in relationships.
It would have been easy for Meghan to get swept up in marrying a prince and in her new role and title as a Dutchess, but her identity centered her and kept her from losing herself. Being centered, more than likely, is probably what helped her pay attention to her mental health and reach out for assistance.
When you know yourself, you know when something is off and you don’t allow yourself to ignore signs. One benefit of having clarity about yourself is you do self-care well!
In Meghan’s case, self-care and knowing who she was saved her from being forever lost in a world where she either wouldn’t have survived or it would have caused her to suppress who she was.
Either way, both were too high a price to pay.
Lesson #2 — Take Risks on Love
When love invites you out of your comfort zone, jump!
By this I mean take a chance, risk it all, remove the breaks, or go to Bostwana to live in a tent for five days with no running water.
This is how Meghan to a risk on love!
She packed her bags to go across the world to live with a man she had an inkling about, but didn’t know very well or for very long!
This is the kind of risk that is required when love invites you to jump!
But with risks, comes fear!
Now, wild animals were just part of the fear I’m sure Meghan had to navigate. Another fear was allowing the man she was falling in love with to see her daily with no shower, no bathroom, no running water, and no way to groom herself. But this risk provided Meghan an opportunity she needed — an opportunity to fully see Harry and allow herself to be fully seen.
But love requires risks, and one of the risks worth taking is allowing yourself to be fully seen!
When you take a risk on love, even if it goes wrong, you’ll be proud of yourself knowing you left it all on the table!
Lesson #3 — Never Abandon Those Who Love and Support You
Sacrificing a relationship with someone in your inner circle to satisfy those looking in will always end in regret!
One tear-jerking moment in the documentary was the interview with Meghan’s niece. Meghan was a sister—mom—aunt figure to her niece. They shared a very close relationship. But you could hear the pain in Meghan and her nieces’ voices when they reflected on how Meghan had to uninvite her niece to the wedding because of the larger family drama that was playing out.
Although Meghan and her niece were able to move beyond that moment, you could hear the deep sadness and regret that moment created for them both.
This was a reminder of how important it is to never abandon those who love and support you, no matter what.
Yes, the relationship can survive and wounds do heal, but the scars remain.
At the end of the day, hurting those who mean the most to you, especially if you’re doing it to appease others, will end in regret!
Lesson #4 — Playing Small Is Not A Good Look
Dimming your light so others can shine is always a bad move!
Meghan tried to fade into the background so she wouldn’t upstage others in the Royal Family. This fading, I’m sure showed up in other ways, but the most visible way was her decision to only wear beige, white, and cream color clothing. In other words, she was muting herself.
To this, I have two things to say:
- When you are a light, you can’t hide!
- Playing small so others can look large is an offense to your creator!
You must be who you are sent to this world to be. If that ruffles feathers, so be it!
Someone will always take issue with you, even if you try to hide or mute yourself, which we see in the case with Meghan. The truth is — as Meghan learned — you can’t satisfy others by playing small. In trying to do so, you not only rob this world of your light, but you rob those who need you to play small the opportunity to deal with their insecurities.
But something larger is also at stake!
When you refuse to show up in the world in your full brilliance, you mute the divine, unique expression God designed you to reflect in this world.
Don’t deny the world the gift you were sent her to be by playing small.
Show up as your full self. Show up in all the boldness and bold colors that Meghan wore when she discovered that muting herself was woefully unsuccessful.
Be your one-of-a-kind self, be boldly you, and never play small because it will never be a good look for you!
Lesson #5 — Always Trust Your Internal Wisdom
You must go with your gut!
Your internal wisdom is a divine gift that includes your intuition and instincts. These gifts were in full force when Meghan became curious about whether her dad was working for the tabloids.
In a phone call to her dad, Meghan confronted him about working for the tabloids and he denied it. But when she got off the phone she said — surprising herself — “I don’t believe him.”
Now for most of us, it would be hard not to believe our dads — the men who raised us. But Meghan does something women need to do more of — trust self above all else.
As women, we quickly learn to distrust ourselves, especially when it comes to our intuition and instincts. Women are often made to believe that because we are emotionally hard-wired, we can’t or shouldn’t trust our internal makeup.
But this is a BIG MISTAKE!
God gave us the gift of intuition and instincts so we could trust ourselves. Our intuition and instincts are our internal alarm and navigation system that helps us direct our way through life!
And by no means should we disengage this system because you are sure to be lost without it!
So, trust yourself, even if it means facing some hard truths. Like Meghan, you can deal with truth more appropriately when you face it!
Lesson #6 — You Need A Sacred Sisterhood
There is nothing like a sacred sisterhood that has your back when your back is up against the wall.
Instagram reminded me of this the other day as I scrolled my timeline and saw this quote:
“Behind every strong woman is a tribe of strong women who have her back.”
Life will never fail to allow us to experience heartbreak, pain, disappointment, and other adversities. But what makes it easier to navigate life’s challenges is having a sacred sisterhood that will hold you up when you feel like falling down.
Meghan’s sister’s circle of friends is a reminder of what every woman needs to survive and thrive in life.
A Sister Squad That Is Down for Whatever!
Whether good times are rolling and happy hour, brunch, and girl’s weekends are in play, or whether divorce, loss, and heartbreak have reared their ugly heads, a sacred sisterhood is a safe space you go to laugh, cry, and feel all your feelings.
Now, truth be told, we may not have sister-friends like Meghan who can whisk us away on a private jet. But if you have sister friends with who you can cry your eyes out or share details of a romantic getaway over a glass of wine at the local bar, you are blessed and highly favored!
A sacred sisterhood is an irreplaceable value added to the life of every woman!
Lesson #7 —Walk Away Even If It Cost You Everything
A quote from Nina Simone that I cherish says,
“You’ve Got to Learn to Leave the table when love is no longer being served.”
The Royal Family Firm was no longer serving love to Meghan and, like any good self-loving woman, she left.
I applaud her for her action.
It’s not easy to walk away from privileges, perks, positions, etc. But when those privileges come at the expense of your sanity, mental health, self-esteem, dignity, and happiness, you walk!
And when you do, it will be the best gift you ever give yourself!
It is tempting to hold on to something that’s not good for us because of the benefits that come with it.
Benefits blind you! Benefits and perks can keep you so focused on what you are giving up that you can’t see what you stand to gain.
Yes, Meghan was giving up her title, her life as a royal, and unfortunately personal protection and security for her family. But she focused more on what she had to gain — owning her life, peace, giving her children a more “normal” upbringing, and the ability to do her “soul work.”
What Meghan gained far outweighed what she gave up.
Lesson: When we are willing to walk away — even if it costs us everything — an older and more mature you, will thank you later!
I would love to hear your thoughts if you watched the Meghan & Harry Documentary!
Join the Defiant Women Win Community — A Faith-based movement where women build bold belief in self & God when Sunday sermons aren’t enough. Click here and get a free video download & worksheet on how to develop persistent, relentless faith!
Thanks for reading!
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism
|Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box
|The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer
|What We Talk About When We Talk About Men
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com